WOOHOO! The Kingdom Hearts marathon is underway! Thanks so much for your help so far, but let’s do even more, ok? And let’s get even sillier. Today’s level is one you’ve probably never heard of. It’s the Walrus Stage, from Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa!
Ok, so major bonus points to you if you’ve actually heard of this one. Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa (“Bio Miracle: I’m Upa”) is an obscure Konami game that was only released for the Japanese Famicom… that is, UNTIL NOW. Yes, you can actually get this on the Wii’s Virtual Console. And you should, just for the wtf factor. It’s a game starring a baby. Yeah, you heard me, A BABY. So what’s the story? Ok, get this: Upa comes from a long line of fighters in a magical kingdom. One day, he accidentally breaks an urn containing a goat-demon named Zai. Zai takes the adults’ life force and kidnaps all the babies. All the babies except for Upa because, of course, a magical fairy who was trapped in the same urn gives him a superpowered rattle for fighting evil. YES. THAT IS A THING THAT HAPPENED.
So what happens in this stage? Well if you take out all the crazy, it’s a pretty standard ice level. SO LET US LEAVE IN ALL THE CRAZY. You start off on a bunch of slippery ice platforms, where fat kappas slide around after you. Naturally you should turn them into–oh wait, did I mention the magic rattle turns enemies into balloons? Because it turns them into balloons. So yeah, go ahead and turn the fat kappas into balloons. After a bit of that, you fight a miniboss that’s of course a pig-beast that shoots enemies out of its astonished mouth. Next you end up in an ice cave full of SPIKES. Seriously, spikes?? This is one hardcore baby. You balloonify more kappas and some birds, and awww, there’s even a giant ice sculpture of Upa in the cave! Wait… who made that ice sculpture??? And why????? You know what, I don’t want to know. After another pig boss, you enter a vertical stage. When you get to the top you find… wait for it… A. WALRUS. IN. A. TOP. HAT. YES. The walrus is the boss, and he mostly attacks by sliding around the room. But since that’d be slightly too normal, he slides around on his chest with his tail up in the air. SURE WHY NOT. After you beat him, you go on to the next realm of crazy.
You should use this wallpaper for its surreal nature. And if anyone wants the context you’ll just raise more questions than you answer. The full wallpaper is here!
MUSIC TIME! There’s no ice-specific song in Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa, so let’s have some other nice Konami music. Let’s Go Back Home For Christmas is from Keyboardmania! Snow Afternoon is from Keyboardmania 2nd Mix! Frozen Ray is from Keyboardmania 3rd Mix!
And REMIX TIME! Go Blow Snow for a Year is remix from Snow Bros., and it’s by housethegrate! It’s a pretty great mix, so be sure to download it!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, FOLKS! Spread the word and help TSG reach its goal!